Lost Draft

結束長假之後的第一週就在找房跟閒閒無事看電視中過了 很久沒有這種感覺自己要發黴了好糟糕啊啊啊 未來又再一次的落在分岔路上 不知道下段旅途又會是甚麼風景 現在是我整理過去一年來的林林總總，從踏上征途、決心走到最盡頭、遇到有相同想法的人們、與大學時期的好友再相聚，這些點滴都會慢慢的累積起來，直到它們熟成的那天 即使家人的關切和批評都很讓人挫折與沮喪，即使很多的事情堆疊起來很讓人灰心，總有一天這些小事會過去，只要我夠堅定，沒有什麼事能讓我喪志 信心和勇氣 決心和毅力

The beach is so nice that even with all the candles lid on and street lights, the sky full of stars just above the scenery  Cats just wandered around the city :) that's so awesome for such weather and atmosphere 

This is my second firework show on princes street in 2013 And like the new year celebration, I'm with many friends this time, some new companies and some familiar companies :)  I feel blessed with so much good will guiding me  Thanks for so many nice people coming to my life 

things always have the twitch at the end, putting my risk management under test maybe i didn't make myseld clear, or i'm so used to speak in an ambiguous way, i'm not sure which but for situation like this, i have some responsibility: first, i should double check with the contact frequently second, i should make myself clear and inform the contact of any changes in between third, stay in hotel or hostel if anything like this would ever happen again no need to bother your friends to take you in no need for weird feelings learn this experience, and learn it by heart

在週末轉去Rostock之前在漢堡短暫停留了一夜 我抵達漢堡車站的時間接近晚上七點，傍晚的漢堡街道搭配上城市獨特的建築風格，只能說非常的悠閒 當然溫度如果可以稍微再高一點點就更好了XD我還是很不幸的必須穿著一件superdry防風 這次因為要等高小姐夫婦一同check in住宿，所以在市中心沒有呆很久，大概到晚上八點半我們就閃去另一個車站了 照片是在進S-Bahn之前拍的，我真的很喜歡每個城市都有獨特的市徽，一看就知道這是哪裡，而且這樣子的一個符號（或是象徵）也可以凝聚當地人的認同感，在我看來這就是很地元的特色，可惜我在台灣不太常見到這樣的東西，是說這也跟當地城市發展歷史長短有關係啦...台灣的城市大多還是很年輕的 我還是沒有機會見識到紅燈區熱鬧的樣子，有點可惜XD看看下次有沒有機會囉

我本人不是很喜歡這個新詞，『小確幸』孤狗一下，意指生活中確實而微小的幸福 身為一個情緒波動不大、甚至可以說（被朋友蓋章確認）有點無感的人，我其實每天都是感到滿足且幸福的 像是這樣的小確幸，在我的生活裡面，應該可以算是鮮奶油蛋糕上面的那唯一一顆草莓吧 yes i'm feeling happy, extra more because of you thank you for reminding me that i'm loved thank you for loving me 快樂幸福我都可以從自己的心靈深處取得 現在我知道什麼叫做先要好好的愛自己，才能愛別人 慢慢的，很多以前懵懵懂懂的事情都漸漸的知曉了 這樣的人生，才是我心之嚮往的

this is my stupid mistake, this idea of status changed didn't come to my mind and i just did things the way i used to do it's not a big deal at that time but now i have really felt sorry for my deed hurting other ppl's feelings no excuse for that, really my fault.  i suppose this is one thing i should keep in mind, whether for this situation or for future possible problem... open with all topics and dicussion about future plan, don't want ppl to worry about you and this is the least you should do (to me particularly)  i have to really remember my mistake, so i can move forward

最近又跟朋友討論起這個話題 朋友問到，你去希臘是跟誰去啊？ 我漫不經心的回，我自己一個人去啊 朋友當場大驚，問說，怎麼不跟男朋友一起？或是跟其他朋友一起？自己去不會很無聊嗎？ 嘿嘿，我才知道自己一個人旅行很不尋常啊，就連歪果人都大驚了（笑倒） 其實我也是經過西雅圖冬夜驚魂這段之後才知道，有的時候雖然跟朋友一起旅行非常的輕鬆，而且情緒會一直維持在超級興奮的狀態，天天都會有好多好多的節目，只能說這是跟朋友一起旅行的好處 然而我也喜歡一個人的旅行，感覺自己從走出家門的那一刻起就開始了旅程，跟自己相處，怎麼說呢，就是取得心靈層面的平衡吧，我覺得自己旅行的時候很容易能達到這樣的狀態，當我的內在平衡之後，我的外在，不管說是待人處世、身體的狀態也會跟著一起達到我喜歡的平靜無波的感覺 說這種狀態很像無風的湖面，沒有漣漪，就是如鏡般的能夠反射所有的映像 我都用這種很難得的時間（異地、自己、脫離舒適圈）跟自己對話，反省過去一段時間的重大事件，不論是對未來的計畫，對事情的看法，記錄、比較、辯論，然後希望能有什麼東西沈澱下來凝結成晶華這樣，至少我能夠了解自己到知道什麼我不要、什麼我堅持的住 很快的我就要踏上往希臘的旅程，兩個禮拜雖然沿途會拜訪朋友，但是最多的時間還是給我自己的，這樣的時間正好拿來跟自己對話，檢視自己過去這段念書時間的收穫，反省還有什麼沒有全力以赴的地方，然後充電完畢繼續跟自己的戰鬥這樣，在不熟悉的地方，跟陌生人交談，體會不同的氣氛，在想法大爆發的情況下來做檢討自己的缺點，這實在是沒有更好的情境可以用了 要物盡其用啊（茶）

this would be the start of my first try series :p i had the appointment for brazilian wax this morning, never had anything waxed before so kind of new experience anyway... don't know what to say really, being waxed is a very strange feeling for me i suppose this therapist is quite skilful, she talked to me with casual stuff while processing the procedure good thing is that i am not hairy >/////< after it was done, i had quite few minutes i couldn't walk normally, but later as the discomfort fading i felt better once more probably after waxing the whole day should be very relaxing uh... so goodbye this day, no work, nothing ;)

to my beloved, thank you for writing me this card i couldn't tell you how much i'm touched by your words, especially knowing that you're honest with your feelings and that you do what you say you said you missed me so much and you have never desired to have someone to your side i don't know how to comfort you with this situation cuz i miss you very much and want to be there with you as soon as possible mb i do not feel so strong as you feel, pls don't take it wrong that i don't care about you i have more faith in you and we will meet eventually, and i'm working hard to get to that point some ppl said that home is where your heart is well i have my heart in you and you have yours in me, i suppose your love makes me feel home already, i don't feel homesick or something i just feel secure and relaxed, like home sorry that i might have to make more effort so that you'll feel the same i'm feeling and i'm sorry for our separation making...

目的 purpose objective reason aim goal   想知道我跟那位到底有沒有緣份，但是這東西不能強求 想留在歐洲、居留問題、經濟來源 教職/研究員/業界(?) 做完我想做的研究、喜歡這種一直不停找答案的drive 拿到博士學位 申請工作   input --> digest --> output 消化能力是重點   對未來學界的潮流要有判斷能力，因為研究做下去需要時間 希望自己能在有限的時間內留下可以造福後世的東西 不是只是為了解決目前的難題，挖運河而非築堤防   Berlin - Homboldt Berlin - Freie Frankfurt Munster Bonn Koln Dortmund Duisburg Essen Dusseldorf Bielefeld Paderborn Wuppertal Aachen (Max Plank)   - why did you leave your job? felt something missing in my way of working the ability of seeing the whole picture, seeing the forest not single tree   - about this missing pieces, do you think that the master education helps you find them? - how the education enhanced your work so far as you almost finished the master? the ability to find answer by myself, and not just waiting for answer see the minor difference and this time finally see it without overlooking not just see things and think outside the box but also breaching the boundary of human knowledge patience...

一直以來我都在默默的等、默默的看 對於我要的東西，我有無比的耐心 不是說我要的一定就會得到，而是我有耐心等，等到一個結果，無論好壞 因為愛你，所以我才在這裡 而我會一直待到這份愛消失 只要你也愛我，那麼我會回應你同等的愛，甚至更多 我，除了給你所有，只是等著，堅持要有個結束，再開下段章節，或是換人來寫   希望我的愛是微風，是陽光，是細水長流 帶給你的是自由，是熱情，是寬容 願你在我的愛中成長茁壯

it's so funny trying to use strawberries to make a heart right now it's the season for berries and strawberries are so sweet :) i'm almost there to the end of my work, but at the meantime i'm a little bit disappointed about what i've done so far, felt like still not enough, i didn't give everything  mb this is why i wanna continue my study, just giving my best shot no matter it's love, or work once i've tried all my best, there won't be regrets

這個想要買東西的心情好可怕啊@@ 跟著天氣一起變好，不過可能不會跟著天氣變壞就消失不見，畢竟現在有很多穿的下、穿的出身體線條的衣服不在我的衣櫃啊ㄎㄎ 隨著論文進入卡關，我的心情也跟著一起進入需要購物治療法的世界了嗎冏 加油啊小閃，這才是剛開始的大魔王咧，打不過就不用去想下一關了（握拳）

this morning is perfectly nice, sunny and warm current status changed, and might have more things come to me  i hope i can have the heart and the courage to continue my journey  with my beloved just accompanying each other on our path, separate or together if we have consensus toward our future, we shall be fine    anyway, this is very cheering for me :) we will see

i have a new and pressing deadline on 25 July at the meantime, prepare my visa application and write my dissertation busy as hell and i'm feeling stressed :( it starts to show, feeling hungry all the time, feeling tired all the time, want to stay somewhere out of sight... this is not good today i went with my friend for shopping her accessories for attending a wedding and i feel good just buying small stuff :)  really nice shopping therapy 

最近事情真的是多到一直來一直來，我快煩死了@@ 比利時也好、德國也好 可以先讓我做完我該做的事情了，頭腦也清楚的時候來處理事情嗎？ 是不是人生就是註定要有高低起伏，心靈的平靜也只能自己修嗎...那我的level大概還是太低階了 請不要帶我越級打怪啊(T^T)

this is something new for me, at least i've never jumped into this field so i need more reading for sure and good thing is i enjoy the process of gaining knowledge, reading is not a problem i have different preferences, that's it, no need to change coz i don't know how even though i'm in my break, i'm still reading, mb not relevant to my topic of interest but anyway reading :p no mood for going out... especially with all the stuff coming in next half year... keep calm is the most i can do now

just knew my final results, no resit just passed but i'm a bit disappointed about myself, judging from the 2nd semester results i didn't give my best in final exams mb i was not well-prepared this outcome influenced my feelings and somehow might also impact on my future choice of career... does this mean bye-bye phd? i'm so confused and so anxious about everything i couldn't write my draft and i ate a lot... not a good sign coz normally i don't need so much food to survive it could be my lesson to learn, how to keep calm and carry on when all seems to fail on me...  have faith, God please bless me with courage and wisdom, passion and persistence, amen

couldn't stop listening~ it's a good piece :)