Lost Draft

this is a quick wrap-up I normally have when I really want to close something bothered me, feelings, thoughts, worries, or even worse situations which I haven't had experience yet and hopefully not ;) this whole thing I'd named it with an operation code, say, "Grandfather Clock", initial "GC". GC began with a nice little misunderstanding of words, he said 'I like you' as an expression of affection, but I percieved as a friendly saying (i.e. not so meaningful). then things kind of moving too fast but in whole they were not out of control, yet, until one particular occasion I gave a very clear 'no' answer, the result turned out to be very disappointing because he didn't take my word seriously and broke the previously agreed condition with ackonwledgement of my rage. for me it's the end of anything we had together, even just staying around with him, I don't want to be friend with a person who deliberately provokes me just for fu

我最最親愛的你，生日快樂 雖然不能大肆的幫你慶祝了，但是心意還是在的喔（看我還記得你生日） 一個人在愛丁堡也待了好一陣子了，沒有說很久大概也只有半年左右 這段時間真的是第一次我覺得念書好快樂（笑）即使念的很辛苦，常常要熬夜才能把所有的東西都看過（還不見得能看的很懂）第二天上研討才不會回答不出來教授的問題，可是心裡面卻不覺得很辛苦，所以真的是到了這個時點才能體會你說的『如果是自己很喜歡的東西，再怎麼熬夜再怎麼辛苦的念書都是快樂的』那種矛盾的狀態，你也知道我有多重視睡眠時間XD 也是在這樣的狀態之下我可以理解當時你看著我那樣浪費時間的不爽 真的，學問真的太廣闊窮極一生大概都游不到看的到陸地的時候，而我卻肆意揮霍我最寶貴的資產 是說後悔也來不及了啦XD現在開始努力追看看，總會有讓我自己滿意的成績的 在這邊受到不同文化的啟發也讓我思考了很多以前沒有去想過的問題，只能說之前我對自己太縱容，太容許自己的恣意懶散，對我自己的個性的了解也太少，但是這些以前刻意忽視的地方都慢慢的浮現，慢慢的從我不曾注意的面相跳出來，讓我必須要去面對跟處理 希望你之後的計畫跟旅程也能更加的開拓你的視野，我之前一直受益於你的不同觀點的刺激，期待你航向新世界之後能有更多的想法 Bon voyage!

after spending my time, in reality four or five years, to answer the really crucial questions I posed upon myself this msc programme forced me to think faster and more efficient  consider the outcomes and the ways of doing things I have to say, the wasting must stop now, I lose not only my money assets but also my time value why exhausted myself over all the bullshit that I don't actually have to put up to goodbye to you, thank you for your time and I'd just like things to remain this way  no more, maybe less

I think my hormone just goes wild right now probably signaling my cycle is near the corner  it's easy to feel stressed, sensitive with emotions fxxx the emotional management! do that when you have period, and see how good you can 'manage' it just a hug, that's all I need to calm down btw, I start to dream during nights, not a good sign, I can't get rest that I need most  very bad :(

was trying to combine chicken marengo with spagetti but fail maybe next time sliced chicken thigh will help :P mushroom spagetti was quite nice though, didn't know they could get along so well  anyway, planning for next friday dinner,  Boeuf Bourguignon as main course, maybe baked garlic mushrooms as starter, and something sweet to finish the night