Lost Draft

this would be the start of my first try series :p i had the appointment for brazilian wax this morning, never had anything waxed before so kind of new experience anyway... don't know what to say really, being waxed is a very strange feeling for me i suppose this therapist is quite skilful, she talked to me with casual stuff while processing the procedure good thing is that i am not hairy >/////< after it was done, i had quite few minutes i couldn't walk normally, but later as the discomfort fading i felt better once more probably after waxing the whole day should be very relaxing uh... so goodbye this day, no work, nothing ;)

to my beloved, thank you for writing me this card i couldn't tell you how much i'm touched by your words, especially knowing that you're honest with your feelings and that you do what you say you said you missed me so much and you have never desired to have someone to your side i don't know how to comfort you with this situation cuz i miss you very much and want to be there with you as soon as possible mb i do not feel so strong as you feel, pls don't take it wrong that i don't care about you i have more faith in you and we will meet eventually, and i'm working hard to get to that point some ppl said that home is where your heart is well i have my heart in you and you have yours in me, i suppose your love makes me feel home already, i don't feel homesick or something i just feel secure and relaxed, like home sorry that i might have to make more effort so that you'll feel the same i'm feeling and i'm sorry for our separation making...

目的 purpose objective reason aim goal   想知道我跟那位到底有沒有緣份，但是這東西不能強求 想留在歐洲、居留問題、經濟來源 教職/研究員/業界(?) 做完我想做的研究、喜歡這種一直不停找答案的drive 拿到博士學位 申請工作   input --> digest --> output 消化能力是重點   對未來學界的潮流要有判斷能力，因為研究做下去需要時間 希望自己能在有限的時間內留下可以造福後世的東西 不是只是為了解決目前的難題，挖運河而非築堤防   Berlin - Homboldt Berlin - Freie Frankfurt Munster Bonn Koln Dortmund Duisburg Essen Dusseldorf Bielefeld Paderborn Wuppertal Aachen (Max Plank)   - why did you leave your job? felt something missing in my way of working the ability of seeing the whole picture, seeing the forest not single tree   - about this missing pieces, do you think that the master education helps you find them? - how the education enhanced your work so far as you almost finished the master? the ability to find answer by myself, and not just waiting for answer see the minor difference and this time finally see it without overlooking not just see things and think outside the box but also breaching the boundary of human knowledge patience...

一直以來我都在默默的等、默默的看 對於我要的東西，我有無比的耐心 不是說我要的一定就會得到，而是我有耐心等，等到一個結果，無論好壞 因為愛你，所以我才在這裡 而我會一直待到這份愛消失 只要你也愛我，那麼我會回應你同等的愛，甚至更多 我，除了給你所有，只是等著，堅持要有個結束，再開下段章節，或是換人來寫   希望我的愛是微風，是陽光，是細水長流 帶給你的是自由，是熱情，是寬容 願你在我的愛中成長茁壯

it's so funny trying to use strawberries to make a heart right now it's the season for berries and strawberries are so sweet :) i'm almost there to the end of my work, but at the meantime i'm a little bit disappointed about what i've done so far, felt like still not enough, i didn't give everything  mb this is why i wanna continue my study, just giving my best shot no matter it's love, or work once i've tried all my best, there won't be regrets

這個想要買東西的心情好可怕啊@@ 跟著天氣一起變好，不過可能不會跟著天氣變壞就消失不見，畢竟現在有很多穿的下、穿的出身體線條的衣服不在我的衣櫃啊ㄎㄎ 隨著論文進入卡關，我的心情也跟著一起進入需要購物治療法的世界了嗎冏 加油啊小閃，這才是剛開始的大魔王咧，打不過就不用去想下一關了（握拳）

this morning is perfectly nice, sunny and warm current status changed, and might have more things come to me  i hope i can have the heart and the courage to continue my journey  with my beloved just accompanying each other on our path, separate or together if we have consensus toward our future, we shall be fine    anyway, this is very cheering for me :) we will see

i have a new and pressing deadline on 25 July at the meantime, prepare my visa application and write my dissertation busy as hell and i'm feeling stressed :( it starts to show, feeling hungry all the time, feeling tired all the time, want to stay somewhere out of sight... this is not good today i went with my friend for shopping her accessories for attending a wedding and i feel good just buying small stuff :)  really nice shopping therapy 

最近事情真的是多到一直來一直來，我快煩死了@@ 比利時也好、德國也好 可以先讓我做完我該做的事情了，頭腦也清楚的時候來處理事情嗎？ 是不是人生就是註定要有高低起伏，心靈的平靜也只能自己修嗎...那我的level大概還是太低階了 請不要帶我越級打怪啊(T^T)

this is something new for me, at least i've never jumped into this field so i need more reading for sure and good thing is i enjoy the process of gaining knowledge, reading is not a problem i have different preferences, that's it, no need to change coz i don't know how even though i'm in my break, i'm still reading, mb not relevant to my topic of interest but anyway reading :p no mood for going out... especially with all the stuff coming in next half year... keep calm is the most i can do now

just knew my final results, no resit just passed but i'm a bit disappointed about myself, judging from the 2nd semester results i didn't give my best in final exams mb i was not well-prepared this outcome influenced my feelings and somehow might also impact on my future choice of career... does this mean bye-bye phd? i'm so confused and so anxious about everything i couldn't write my draft and i ate a lot... not a good sign coz normally i don't need so much food to survive it could be my lesson to learn, how to keep calm and carry on when all seems to fail on me...  have faith, God please bless me with courage and wisdom, passion and persistence, amen

couldn't stop listening~ it's a good piece :) 

came back to cmh after clubbing til 3 am, witnessed sunrise very unique for me, also the first time :p but all my german friends told me that it's nothing, just wait til i reach germany and they'll take me out having fun til 5 or 6 am sounds promising :) i'll definitely join such night out first continue with my own work, draft deadline is ahead

my heart will cold down if you treat me as if I'm nothing to you any slightly response will warm up my hope thank you for encouraging me in this most effective and efficient way I will try to work all my best :)

i hope we will meet again soon all the best!!

mb it's not so fair to say so but everybody's leaving hwu campus, it just makes me sad  after finishing the tasks of this certain period, we all are moving on to the next stage of our own journeys crossed at hwu and had a such wonderful time together, made best of our time i should feel happy for everyone ;) we might have the chance to meet again somewhere in this small world, we might see each other again soon in graduation ceremony, but once we passed by, it's just like that, nothing more i hope my journey will carry on, to the place i want to be, may God bless me with strength and courage to continue my path into the unknown and i hope i can see you, my dear friends, once more 

I know I'll always want to exceed myself, pursuing excellence, breaching limits it's my nature, on the other hand, also my curse; I tried to escape from it but in the end I just couldn't fight it I can't deny myself after all  so no matter what, just stay with my true self, and be with those who make me want to be a better person accepting who I really am; then, keep on walking :) 

我其實蠻討厭那種犧牲自己照亮他人的個性 （當然我不可能是那種人，我他x的太自私了） 犧牲的人，這裡說的是真的犧牲生命去換其他人的存活 有沒有想過那些受你恩澤的人想不想要這樣，願不願意用你的生命換他們的 至少我就不要 那種人情債一輩子都還不了，而且我絕對不認同死一個救萬人的這種交換方式，太爛了

雖然說被別人關心感覺起來好像應該要開心吼... 這算是被關心了嗎XD 離題 那種態度反反覆覆，又不說破的模糊界線真的是讓我很北宋 最痛恨就是那種吊人胃口、給你希望最後又跟你說很抱歉請無視我剛剛的發言 喔幹那你沒事說這些東西是要怎樣？想要怎樣就明白的說清楚，這會很難嗎...？可能真的很難 你說話傷到我，不管是心情還是自尊隨便，那也是我的問題，跟你沒關係 想好考慮好再告訴我你的決定，你的決策過程我只能提供資訊無法幫你下決定，反之亦然 唉，光是想到我是整個package吃下來的這種個性，總有一天會真正的死很慘 真的，你做好準備吧，我是個愛了就予取予求，不愛了就絕對無情的個性，希望你不會把我對你的愛消耗殆盡，結局像是那些前人一樣

for this semester, overall i still have quite good performance in terms of coursework the third one i didn't put much effort due to time constrain; however, the mark was surprisingly high, 70% the result suggested either i am really a genius or i learn how to criticise an article; well, i'm more convinced by the later